Zoo accused of painting donkeys to look like zebras – CBS News

In a startling development within America’s political zoo, charges have been made that an ass has been painted over and dishonestly presented to the nation and global public as a US President. The controversial creature, known to zoo enthusiasts as Donald, has been on display for 18 months and has had a highly polarizing effect on observers in Washington DC and beyond.

Fans of Donald maintain that he is not only authentic but can perform extraordinary tricks, such as draining swamps, restoring defunct industries, revitalizing the economy, and paying $300,000 in illegal hush money to a couple of porn stars (surely “making America great again”? – Ed. No – Intrepid Dachshund.). Certainly Donald’s act at the zoo has attracted unquestioning allegiance from innumerable customers, proving especially popular with the naïve and politically infantile, and his day to day primary handler, Mr Miller, has proven adept at coaching him. Together they have produced such now famous public routines as “my crowds are the biggest ever, except for everyone else’s” , “alternative facts”, “Nazis are very fine people”, “being my campaign manager for 3 months doesn’t mean he had anything to do with me”, “being my lawyer for 12 years doesn’t mean he had anything to do with me”, “it definitely wasn’t the Russians – I mean, maybe it was”, and their latest show-stopper, “there was no collusion, except for lots of collusion, but that doesn’t matter”. One fan, young Paul Ryan of Wisconsin, gleefully expressed the mood amongst Donald’s loyal Washington followers. “Donald expresses that wonderful sense of joy and optimism that you naturally feel when you’re young and obscenely rich through unearned inheritance”, he said, “and the great thing is how he transmits that to young fans. I’ll never forget what a difference he’s made to me! For long years I wished for a future in which I could make a real impact on the world. My noble dream from earliest youth was to throw millions of ordinary people off access to medical care, destroy all the measures that have enabled working people to sustain a measure of dignity since the 1930s, allow polluters to wreck their air and water with impunity, and finally to take away all the billions of dollars that working people had paid into the separate Social Security accounts and to give every penny of it to the super-rich. Yet for some reason nasty, spoilsport people kept disapproving, saying it was somehow unfair, unnecessary, cruel or immoral! I don’t mind admitting, I was getting pretty disheartened at being so perfectly well understood, and thought my dreams might never come true. But then Donald came along, and all of it now feels possible and even likely again!”.

Critics, however, accuse the entire operation around Donald as being fraudulent. “It ought to be painfully obvious that he isn’t the real deal”, declared John McCain, “but just an ignorant ass on whom somebody has painted a black-and-white worldview in order to make him look like a proper Republican President. Let’s face it, far too many people have been fooled by this charade, and our leading institutions ought to be better than this. It’s a sad day for the country when we note this decline, and reflect on the magnificent calibre of prospective Presidential figures that the Republican Party could show to the world as recently as 2008”. Another Washington critic, a Ms. H. Clinton, commented in similar vein that “Donald is clearly a fraud and a cheat, and it’s high time we got to the bottom of this sordid business. We should clear him out of his Presidential housing and rid the zoo of whoever enabled this travesty to be foisted on the populace. Then we should begin again, re-opening Washington’s political zoo with a legitimate, properly selected and altogether more deserving Presidential star, whoever she might be”. Meanwhile Donald’s owner, a Mr V. Putin of Moscow, continues to insist on the authenticity of his creature. “Of course he’s a genuine Republican President” he said, “as anyone ought to be able to see. Since taking up his role at the zoo he has ballooned the deficit, thrown millions of people off health insurance, devastated national parks, gagged climate scientists, supported extreme religious fundamentalists, attacked science and critical education, promoted racial hatred, given huge tax cuts to the super-rich, encouraged devastating climate change in the interests of oil companies, violated and undermined international law, separated families from their children, insulted women across the globe, sided with fascists from Charlottesville to Berlin, become enmired in dozens of scandals and disgusted the international community. Really, if all that doesn’t prove he’s an authentic contemporary Republican President, then what would?” However, following on from this, Mr Putin made an offer to placate the skeptics. “If you have any doubts about Donald’s legitimate identity”, he said, “I am more than happy to help your inquiries by offering you the services of Russia’s finest investigative journalists. Just as soon as we can find some who are still alive”.

https://www.cbsnews.com/news/donkey-painted-zebra-cairo-international-garden-park-zoo-accused/